


A Shark With Five Thousand A Year,

by Tozette



Series: Akatsuki AU Prompts [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pride and Prejudice Fusion, Alternate Universe - Regency, Crack, Don't @ Me, Ficlet, Gen, I dug this out of my external hard drive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 09:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19765510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tozette/pseuds/Tozette
Summary: “It is a truth universally acknowledged,” said Kakuzu in a low voice, lifting his skirts daintily above his ankles as he whisked Sakura away from the gossipping crowd outside the church, “that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”





	A Shark With Five Thousand A Year,

**Author's Note:**

> At some point in my terrible history of writing crack fic, this came to be. It is _many, many_ years old and there is no excuse for it.
> 
> If I wrote an actual akatsuki-p&p fusion, I think it should go without saying that Ino and Sakura would be the eligible bachelors with boatloads of cash. One day...?

“It is a truth universally acknowledged,” said Kakuzu in a low voice, lifting his skirts daintily above his ankles as he whisked Sakura away from the gossipping crowd outside the church, “that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”

Sakura rolled her eyes, following at an easy stroll, but she didn’t dare contradict him. After all, if such a truth were _not_ the universal social convention, he wouldn’t be wearing those skirts. Kakuzu was not a person to be gainsaid in general -- and certainly not in his pursuit of a good fortune in specific.

“There,” hissed Kakuzu, yanking his husband to his side. Hidan, who had the misfortune of being both shorter and lighter than Kakuzu, had little choice but to follow where he pulled.

“See,” he nodded on over toward a group rapidly moving away from the church just ahead of them. “There he is. Intel reports he’s quite single, no prior attachments, and that he makes well over five thousand pounds a year. He cuts a bold figure, which will be good for our girls - it will help them move in society.”

Hidan looked at Kakuzu. He looked at the man. Briefly, he even looked at Sakura, who cleared her throat, looked away and pretended not to know them. 

“We have _one_ girl,” Hidan told him, “one girl. Four boys. Counting, Kakuzu, can you do it? And that,” he added, pointing rudely with one finger, “is a _shark_.”

“A shark with _five thousand a year_ ,” Kakuzu corrected him in a fierce whisper. "What have _you_ done for us lately?"

"I'll be praying for your _soul_ , you greedy bastard." Hidan peeled Kakuzu’s hand off his arm with a violent twist, turned, and stalked back toward the church.

Kakuzu made a noise in his throat, a little, angry noise as though he was quite prepared to throw Hidan down and beat him bare-handed - except that they were in public, and it was a Sunday, and it did not do for a well-to-do person like Kakuzu to get his petticoats dirty.

“Kakuzu,” sighed Sakura, looking up (and up) at him, “you _know_ not to bother him on Sundays.” 

Kakuzu absolutely did know this, but he didn't respond to the point.

“He’s looking our way,” he growled at her instead, straightening his hat, although his mouth didn’t move in the slightest - society had forced him to develop the uncanny knack for throwing his voice. 

“You believe, I suppose,” murmured one of Sakura’s brothers, who had appeared silently at her shoulder, “that the man in question has come to this part of the country with the specific design in mind of marrying one of us?”

Itachi was the quietest and gentlest of her siblings, but he was not shy about sharing his opinions.

Sakura hid her smile. 

"Do be serious," Kakuzu said, which was not at all an answer. "And straighten up, Itachi. A shar -- a man," he corrected, and pulled an annoyed face, "a man could go a long way without seeing a figure like yours, you know, if you'd only make the most of it!"

**Author's Note:**

> Usually this is where I'd remind you that if you liked something I am very interested in hearing your thoughts about that thing you liked, but actually I'm kind of wary of the kinds of comments one gets for posting years old pride and prejudice/akatsuki fusion fics. I leave the comments section to your discretion, reader.
> 
> (However if you feel like you would like to prompt a different dumb akatsuki au, here would be a good place to do so.)


End file.
